I'm grateful for you kids. Before I update what new things you guys have been doing, I wanted to share a little bit about exactly how grateful I am for you.
It's mostly about the second half of my pregnancy with Senya.
It was the 19-week ultrasound. Daddy and I were so excited because we were going to find out whether it's a boy or girl. We were in the ultrasound room for an hour, we couldn't tell what all the images or measurements meant, and the technician didn't talk much--she just told us that it was a girl and went on measuring.
After the ultrasound, the technitian told us to wait at our doctor's office, and a few moments later the doctor came in to tell us that the nuchal fold (skin at the back of the neck) was thicker than the 'limit' of normalcy, and there's about a 1/100 chance that the baby will have down syndrome. He calmly asked us if we'd like to do further testing, which could mean just a blood test or amniocentesis. We chose to do blood test and drew blood right on the spot. The doctor asked us whether the result would affect the pregnancy (whether we'd want to terminate the pregnancy if the results came out positive), and both Daddy and I immediately said no.
It was a painful few weeks of waiting for the results. After I got home, I searched everything I could find on the internet. What the nuchal fold was, what the normal range was, what the chances are that the baby has a thicker than normal nuchal fold and still turned out normal, and worst case scenario, how other parents are raising children with down syndrome. While waiting for the blood test result, I also researched how accurate the result is, and came to the even more painful conclusion that it really wasn't very reliable at all...We had another ultrasound, and a third shortly before I gave birth. But they can't tell us anything conclusively, to put it in professional terms:"it's not a diagnostic tool."
So the test came back 1/5700, which was really very good odds. But I couldn't tell you how the shadow of my child having down syndrome hung behind every thought I had. And there was nothing I could do but wait. I could've chosen to do amniocentesis and put my mind at ease, but I didn't dare to risk the 1/200-1/400 chance of losing my baby. So I waited, and waited, and waited.
It all seem like distant memory now, but I still remember wondering how I never appreciated that Kai was a healthy boy. How blessed I was to have a child that eats well, sleeps well, and above all, learns well. I don't mean to say that if I had a child with down syndrome, I would love him/her any less--in fact, I was reading lots of information to prepare myself in case that was my destiny--but it would mean that life would be that much harder, and a lot different from what I'd imagined before.
So the day came. I laid on the operation table, heart racing a mile a minute (the drugs certainly doesn't help), and just minutes away from finding out. When the doctor started cutting my open though, I was oddly at ease. There was something comforting about seeing my baby for the first time, and I wasn't afraid anymore. The doctor was maneuvering around my skin and muscles, exclaiming from time to time 'Oh! She's a big baby!' 'Oooh, she's gonna be big!' It made me chuckle, and glad that I chose to have a C-section. Then suddenly the pressure was gone, Senya came out pink, plump, loud, and above all, healthy.
Senya, you became my little wonder. After you were born, I often held you and stared at you incredulously, simply amazed that you came out healthy and wonderful after all that worrying. I look at Kai though a new set of eyes... appreciating all the little things that he does that I over-looked before.
So that's a little part of my journey that I have never shared with anyone else. Daddy certainly knew, but I don't know to what extent. I hope you understand what I'm trying to say, and always know that I love both of you very much:)
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Now, the regular stuff~
Kai,
You are getting an attitude, little man! The past couple of weeks you have been bursting out from time to time "I don't want to ******** ANYMORE!" The stars could be replaced with 'eat', 'sleep', 'pee-pee'... and it really was for no apparent reason, because after the exclamation, you'd more often than not carrying on what you were doing before.
So we think that you are starting to realize that you 'may' have free agency, and are eager to start using it. So far, it hasn't been too hard to reason with you and let you know that 'free agency' doesn't include screaming.
The good thing is, you are developing other phrases of communicating too. You've been using '对不对？'in a lot of sentences, seeking reason and agreement. It's so dang cute when you ask me, '我把玩具捡起来就可以看电影了，对不对？' oh yeah, toy story 2 has been your new favorite.
Today you used '非常非常' for the first time while we were playing legos on the floor. You wanted a '非常非常大的树！' And after I helped you with making the big tree, you made a tower, put a small block behind the 'window' (it was a piece from the zoo collection, I think meant to be used as the zoo entrance), and said 'Rapunzel在高塔里面看一个非常非常大的树！' It's amazing that you still remember Rapunzel, because we've only seen that movie once :)
Senya,
You've got TWO teeth now! They seem to come out of nowhere, the one on the bottom right came in right before your 6-month mark, and the other one followed shortly after :) It's pretty cute to see them showing when you laugh.
You've been kindda finicky when it comes to eating solids. I've had some trouble to get you to eat after the first couple of tries; And a couple of days ago, you've finally mastered the art of opening your mouth when I feed you solids (though you stick out your tongue a little bit, it's rather silly-looking). It's such a relief for me--feeding you is that much easier and cleaner when you cooperate! I've wondered though if it has anything to do with the fact that your budding teeth are bothering you less now so you are more willing to eat.
Still no rolling over, but you are getting quite good at sitting. I think we'll switch you to your big car seat next week, because I might get some permanent damage to my back if I keep carrying your infant car seat...
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Daddy has been gone a LOT lately... there were times that I'm quite tired of handling you two on my own. But for the most part, you guys have been great:)
Until next time!
